have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize