i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
