You made me cry and you don't even care
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
