1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
