Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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