i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
