I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
