like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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