i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
