12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
