just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
