Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
