girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
