I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
