I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
