What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my liver is dry heaving
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
