have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
