now i know why i became what i already was.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize