so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
