i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
