mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
