I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
