what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
