I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
