Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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