I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
