you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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