We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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