apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
