saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
