she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
