I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
