you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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