i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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