it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
