I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize