Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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