Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize