chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
