FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
