she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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