That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
only you would photoshop your dick
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
