I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
