My hand turned me down
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
