you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is the high leading the old right now
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
