..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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