Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
