Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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