And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
