GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
