Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
