Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
