I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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