guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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