my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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