someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
