...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
