I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
