so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
