isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
