apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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