Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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