a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize