Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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