farters have to be the big spoon...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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