How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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