Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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