he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
