whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What did we do last night that was yellow?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
As shirtless as possible
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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