I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
