I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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