he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
