i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
