So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
