this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
