You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
God, I missed his penis.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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