I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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