nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
