i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
