We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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