I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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