How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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